Life's little twists and turns sometimes smack us in the face, don't they?  Here I had been pondering what I wanted to do with my career and lo' and behold, changes came that have wedged themselves like a knife into my psyche and forced me to think more deeply about my next stop ( stop?  did I mean step? ... stop was what I wrote so I'll leave it).  I was passed over for a promotion that I feel I deserved. 

It's times like these that give me pause at the core of my being.  Feeling ripped to shreds emotionally and, after such sorrow and pain even physically, I turn to my spiritual roots to search for answers. 

The hurt has seeped into every part of me and lies there, waiting for validation that comes in the form of advice from all corners about not making any rash decisions (i.e. resigning) and coming to terms with what may lie around the next bend.  So many have reminded me about my value and worth and how important my work has been over the years (nearly 18 now) and how it should not define me.  So many cautious "if it was me" words that come from outside perspective that are meaningful but often don't register.  It cuts like a knife being passed over.  If it happened to you, I'm sure you can relate. 

I hear, comprehend, and yet feel depleted all the same.  I have felt that there is absolutely nothing left at times - a husk of humanity.  In the past, under similar gut-wrenching circumstances, I have chosen to bury my feelings and not acknowledge the possibility that this could be a greater sign, a universal turn-signal pointing toward the off ramp toward a destination I know nothing about.  Fear and lack of confidence can overcome us to the point of staying put.  I know that too well. Familiar misery is misery nonetheless. 

Lately, though, I can hear very clearly the call of change and greater purpose.  I did, after all, call this into my life.  I am a strong believer that we call into our lives the very things we fear and love the most.  It's the Law of Attraction and it is stronger than anything in this world.  I've witnessed its power in calling Theresa into my life and the peace I've found with my parents.  I've seen it make people appear in my life that I had NO IDEA were necessary for my growth until years later when their purpose in my life was revealed through a casual conversation.  It happens all the time.  We bring into our lives the very things we fear and love the most. 

But ... we have to listen closely to life's clues to hear the messages.  And ... we must approach every hurtful situation with love; love for ourselves and those around us working their paths.

If I were to ask myself in each moment of absolute emotional distress "What would love do now?" and then act upon that guidance, I'd be much better off.  I'm human and make human mistakes.  I say things I don't mean and mean things I don't say.  I know the answers I seek are just around the bend if I am quiet and let them come to me with guided intention.  Each day, things become clearer to me but still hazy.  My thoughts and words are powerful, that much I know.  I must choose wisely as the man who found the genie bottle did with comical outcomes for his desires. 

I thank God that I have the chance to choose and choose again.  And I thank God for the ability to feel all of these feelings and grow under their oppression.  It's a huge world ... a massive universe ... and an endless black hole of otherness that gives me hope where once it gave me despair.  I have so much to give this world.  It's just a matter of finding my passion again, asking for it and then acting on it. 

And thank God that I am not the sum of my feelings at this time.  Only a tiny speck of greatness reaching out to find other.  That's the hope and faith that religions try to preach but miss the mark so awfully.  God is not vengeful nor arbitrary.  God is aware and listening if only we can stop to hear.  God does not prescribe with lists of commands nor fault us for being human for it is through our humanness that he/she/we learn together.  God can only experience human emotion through us and is thankful for it, not to mention having a very good laugh at some of our obvious gaps in missing the lessons he provides through word, sound, scent, and experience.  God does not speak in religious doctrine tones -- we hear through our experience, the soul experience, and when we are tested the most, we should listen to the hidden messages more fully. 

I don't know where my path may lead me but I trust in it.  I wish the hurt would end tomorrow but I know that it is part of my healing and a tributary toward my next journey on earth.  That ... is a great comfort.  I am grateful for so many things in my life.  I am truly blessed.  Pain is temporary ... as they say.  I look forward to where I might next venture in this fantastic adventure called life. 

If you get the chance and you're open to it, please read "Conversations with God."  It's a beautiful work and has inspired me to become a more loving, passionate, and happy person.  I'm here anytime you need or want to talk about your life path.  And remember, as I do in times like this when my world feels upside down, that this IS a JOURNEY not a classroom filled with lessons.   Learn to love who you are in this moment and each moment after.  That is the key to a happy life. 

Cheers!  Here's to life and living!