I have a dirty dog.  Not muddy or anything.  Just dirty.  As in, her doggie vulva is dirty and infected.  And stinky.  This happened once before a few years back and I had to take her to the vet.  Dr. Babik is an older guy; waiting out his time before making golf his full time job. 

When he came into the exam room to ask me what was wrong, I explained that Zoe had been licking her ... um ... her ... privates ... a lot.  I told him that I thought someone should look at it. 

"I don't want to look at it," he said, smiling.  "Do YOU want to look at it?" he asked me, pulling her tail up high. 

After he finished "looking at it," he announced that she was a dirty dog.  This must be some kind of insider vet lingo that I'm not acquainted with so I played along with the dirty dog diagnosis.  He prescribed a "flush" antibacterial scrub and some spray twice a day.  Sure enough, after a few weeks of daily application, she wasn't dirty anymore. 

Now that was an uncomfortable moment.  I guess I could have phrased the issue better.  Tomorrow night, I'll have my chance because her ... um ... her ... privates ... are dirty again.

Luckily, I'll get to see Dr. Whinney instead.  No, he's not a horse.  In fact, he loves birds - that's his specialty.  But he loves other animals too.  Dirty dogs don't phase him. At least, I hope they don't.

God, I hope this goes better with him.

RUFF!